Friday, September 28, 2007

I'm having a sad morning.....

This is definitely a post I have not wanted to even think about or write....but my heart is literally aching right now. I really feel like I could throw up. Wow....doesn't that sound like a girl trusting in the Lord?! As of yesterday or two days ago, the government issued a very clear warning to anyone planning to adopt from Guatemala or anyone that is even in the process. Please read the web-site below.....because I know my words are not adequate.

What does this mean? Only the Lord knows. This all seems kind of crazy and surreal right now....I feel a little bit numb. The last three years have been the hardest of my life (definitely another story)....I have begged the Lord for answers and for change, and the answers from the Lord have not always been what I have asked for. I am realizing that my idea of redemption doesn't always look like the Lord's. But even with many unanswered questions, Jesus has ushered me out of a deep hopelessness and depression.....into light and LIFE that I have never experienced before!

So, here I am again. The Lord is asking, "do you trust Me?" The fleshy part of me is screaming I'm scared. I want to bring baby Xio home. Chris and I were dreaming last night of her running through our bedroom doors and jumping into our bed. This is completely out of our control. Selfishly, I don't now want to enter another season of waiting and pain.....but I am willing to do it for Xiomara. Please, please be praying for Chris and me. Pray for strength, for peace, and for wisdom. We are in desperate need of encouragement right now.

http://travel.state.gov/family/adoption/country/country_389.html


Hoping and Trusting, Lindsey

12 comments:

Russ, Katie and Eliot said...

Signed the petition this morning, writing letters this afternoon. My heart is aching with you. Praying like never before.

Sydney said...

Stay strong...we're praying for you!

cindy lou-who said...

lindsey- do not lose heart. look to the unseen, not the seen. all i know is that the gov't of the LORD is greater than the gov't of Guatemala. my Bible was open to psalm 118 just now and it seemed fitting to pray & decree over you guys. our strength lies in the Name above every name. press on, press in & fight the good fight. love you so much. thanks for being transparent. that's really the only way that the body of Christ can help each other.

The Lee Family said...

The Lord is worthy of our trust! Be reminded that He is in control even in chaos. Who elses hands would you want this to be in? The hands of a father who loves you and Xiomara!
We love you guys and are praying- Brad and Rebecca

Erin Miller said...

Like my friend Katie, the letters are written, the petition is signed, and YOU are in my prayers!!!

God is faithful and just. Even when humans are not.

Erin Miller

Lauren said...

My heart hurts every time I think of the pain you are experiencing right now. I can't even imagine what all of this feels like. This is one of those days where I really wish we lived in the same city. I'm amazed at your faith and am inspired by the life y'all are leading... I love you both very much!!! I pray every day that Xiomara will one day be a part of our family.

Anonymous said...

Linds....my heart weeps with you. I know this is so very hard for you and Chris.......yet I am continually challenged and encouraged by your faith, your trust and your courage in this difficult road you're taking. I am praying with you that "God will open the door that no man can close." And I know that no matter how much we all love Xiomara, He loves her even more and He is holding her tightly in the palm of His hand. I am praying Psalm 27:13-14 for you: "I believe that I shall look upon the goodness of the Lord in the land of the living! Wait for the Lord; be strong, and let your heart take courage; wait for the Lord." I love you so much and I am praying!

Mom

Melissa Scott said...

My Friend....call or e-mail me anytime you want to talk and know that I am praying, aching and trusting with you!

Anonymous said...

You don't know me personally, but you and your husband are serving my husband and my precious girls at Two Rivers fall camp. I was supposed to be there, but due to my role as a momma, I am at home taking care of my 2-year-old who has been very sick. I have never checked this blog before, but God laid it on my heart this morning and I just want you to know I am praying for you in all these unknowns. I do not know exactly how you are feeling, but as a momma and as a woman who has also felt pain and hopelessness... my heart aches for you and I am praying. May God bless you all greatly for taking time to serve our church family this weekend and in all that is laid out before you.
Many blessings, Katie Teague

Bill said...

Hi Lindsey.

You don't know us. My wife and I were in the midst of our home study for Guatemala when we got the news this week. There are many, many families with you in this.

May God overwhelm you with His kindness.

Bill & Lynn

www.awaitingrain.typepad.com

GWEN OATSVALL said...

The Lord will carry when you think you can go no longer ... I will pray for you all !!!!!

Amanda Tomlin said...

Another couple I know who are adopting have told me that they heard that after 12/31/07 all pending adoptions will be stopped.. but I haven't read this anywhere "official". Is this spectulation?