Monday, March 23, 2009

So tired....but so grateful!!


I haven't written a lot lately for a lot of different reasons.  We have been traveling a lot....and then have had company for the last week.  Honestly, y'all are probably sick of hearing me say this.....but I have been really struggling.  There are probably many reasons why.....but I am so tired of it.  I am suffering with a fatigue problem, which is right now attacking me in full effect!! Please pray for my health.  I am sleeping a lot right now (and when I am not sleeping....I am chasing sweet Eliana all over the place).  In the loneliness and fatigue, I often forget how many things I have to be grateful for.  

Today we got a package from the U.S. Department of Homeland Security.  It was all of the original documents from Eliana's adoption file.  I have just spent the last hour reading each word on each page....and can't stop crying.  I am so grateful for this child God has given to us. There is a new picture I have never seen of her when she was tiny.  Oh, I love her face.  I am grateful that her biological mother selflessly gave her to us.  Honestly, I forget that I am not her biological mom (that might sound weird).....but she feels like she has ALWAYS been a part of Chris and me.  After I read through everything.....I started looking at pictures (lots of crying again).  Thank you Lord for choosing us for her.  I can't imagine my life without her.  

Even though the fatigue is great.....the Lord has given me just what I have needed for Eliana and Chris.  I wake up begging God for enough energy to be a good wife and mom.  And every single day, the Lord gives me the strength.  I love laughing with Eliana.  I love tickling her.  I love running along side of her through the house.  I love chasing her.  I love kissing her.  I love giving her tons of hugs.  I love telling her "I love you" a thousand times a day.  I love brushing Dora's hair with her.  I love watching Handy Manny with her.  I love playing outside with her.  I love jumping on the trampoline with her.  I love putting her hair in pigtails (even though her Tia Leah says it makes her sassy).  I love watching her love her daddy.  I love watching her hug any kind of animal.  I love teaching her words.  I love reading to her.  I love praying with her.  I am so thankful for our sweet girl.

I am so grateful.

Love you all,
Lindsey

15 comments:

Pineapple Princess said...

Even though we've never met in "real" life, I think of you so often and pray for you regularly. I will continue to pray that the Lord will lift you up and give you the energy you need. What a wonderful mommy you are!
Love and prayers!

Kristen said...

oh lindsey, you are bringing me to tears. i know your struggle. we've only emailed briefly about this in the past, but i want you to know how much i understand. and i'm going through it right now too. this last pregnancy has thrown me, and my auto-immune illnesses are in full flare up. it's pretty bad. i too pray each morning that God will get us through the day, because i know only He can. and He always does. if you ever want to talk, my new email is kristenborland@gmail.com. i will pray for you.

Mary Virginia said...

Praying for you!

Carly Grace said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Steph said...

Thnking of you...

The gFamily said...

I just prayed for you and will continue to pray for strength and energy! I am sorry you are struggling! You are a wonderful mom and I can love reading about how much you love Eliana!

I need to fill out the paperwork to get those documents! This just inspired me to get going!!

Praying...

Jess said...

I am praying for you Lindsey... please let me know if you need anything.

Kirsten said...

I read your blog often but have maybe commented 1 or 2 times - please know that I am praying for you. Being at home is TOUGH - I always felt pulled by being blessed to stay home and feeling really lonely and almost angry at my husband all because he was able to leave the house! Prayer will carry you! Also I do not know where you stand on medication, but talk to you doctor, there are many short term meds (I used one when I got in a funk when my first daughter was 15 months old). Whatever you do please know you are surrounded in prayer!

Bobbi said...

I need to get those papers!!I know what you mean about the forgetting. They just become such a part of us.

Hope you are feeling better soon

Cheri (prounounced Cherry...really!) said...

I have a bio son, and I forget all the time Malaena-Sloan is adopted. That's our amazing GOD!!! I can totally relate to your fatigue. I suffer from Adrena Fatigue Syndrome. Have you been diagnosed? There's all kinds of books that explain it all, but bottom line, REST IS THE MOST IMPORTANT THING! Hang in there....prayers your way! Cheri

Oatsvall Team said...

hey girlie ... sorry I haven't checked in lately, but life has gotten super crazy w/ surgery for Maggie, fundraising for our next adoption, and mailing out t-shirts.. E is looking so precious and I will continue to pray for your health ...

if you need a little girl time please come by the house on Friday night ... I am having a gold party ... bring your gold and you leave w/ cash ... or just come hang out ... love ya !!!

Holli said...

Lindsey,
A promise God gave me before we brought our daughter home was Isaiah 40:25-31. I feel prompted to share it with you, especially the last part..."He gives power to the weak, and to those who have no might He increases strength. Even though the youths shall faint and be weary, and the young men shall utterly fall, But those who wait on the Lord shall renew their strength; they shall mount up with wings like eagles, they shall run (after their little Eliana:-)) and not be weary, they shall walk and not faint.
Holli

The McBrides said...

praying sweetie... I know you are doing a great job as wife and mom...and that's the MOST important thing. God gives us just enough to do what he has called us to.

Travis & Kendra said...

Via blogworld I have followed your beautiful family story...we too have a beautiful, rambucious guatemalan blessing. Thanks so much Lindsey for your honest words and please know that more families than you know hold you, Chris and Eliana in their prayers. As I have read your last few posts where you have shared about your struggling with exhaustion all I keep thinking is :it is about time it all caught up to you. You, Mama went to the ends of the earth for your girl. you lived, breathed, prayed, faught and struggled to be there for Eliana and to bring her home. Just reading your journey makes me exhausted....For all of us there is a time that we go crazy with energy and strength to do what needs to be done..other times God in his goodness causes us to slow down...slow way down.... so that we can enjoy what he is doing right here, right now, in the simple and mundane of everyday life. I have been there girl, in the struggles of the everyday...and they taught me be to just be present, to see each little thing i do or get checked off the list as a victory. Who cares if all you and E do in a day is snuggle on the couch....for that day.....it was great way to spend the day. It is quality time with mother and daughter. From one GuateMama to another...please know that I am praying for you. Please continue to share your life and your journey, what an inspiration.

MeganLyons
meg@jonandmeg.com
lyonsfamilyhappenings.blogspot.com

Rhonda said...

She is a true doll baby and we are all so incredibly grateful that the women in Guatemala wanted a better life for their children. I hope you feel better soon and able to have more energy.