I have no idea how to write this. I've put it off as long as I can...
My heart aches in ways I've never known pain before. I feel very scared...afraid that God might say no. I'm literally desperate for Him to say Yes...to our thousands of prayers. I'm not sure if I've ever shouted prayers before. Sometimes my prayers are indistinguishable between my sobs. I'm continually shifting from anger to deep sorrow back to anger. It's like my insides are bleeding.
I feel militant. I will do whatever Faith requires...honestly whatever it takes to rescue Xiomara. I would quit my job, sell this house and move to Guatemala in a heartbeat if it would help us bring her home. I'm not kidding or exaggerating. We are in the battle for Xiomara's very life. I will never stop fighting for her...I can't. Nothing else in my life seems to matter anymore. Everything seems to either be aiding us in this battle, or simply a distraction in our way. My language may sound a bit dramatic but that's fine. Christianity is not about insulating ourselves from pain. I'm not into playing it safe, and there's certainly no room for that in this situation anymore.
I pray that God would change the judges heart, change the birth mother's heart, send an incredibly skilled and persuasive Guatemalan lawyer, that He would have mercy...that in the same instance He would bring justice. Mercy on Xiomara and Justice for Xiomara. Mostly, I just say please please let us adopt her.
Jason Swain, my dear brother, told me to "...surround myself with a team of people that believe that God is big enough to do this." That is exactly what we need- believers who actually believe. If your believing with us, thank you for being on our team. Faith feels lonely sometimes. We need you and every member of the Body that you know to be on your face pleading that God defend the fatherless...that he defend Xiomara.
-Chris
P.S. Our Home Study visit is tomorrow morning...we're moving forward by Faith.
23 comments:
I am praying every day -- sometimes every hour -- for Xiomara's life and safety. I am doing what I can to spread your story and encourage others to pray for you.
Peace, faith, and prayers to you.
I believe with you that God is big enough to do this. He IS a father to the fatherless. We're praying daily - as are many others on our prayer chain. We love you.
Love,
Lainie
Hi. My name is Kathi; I'm a friend of Gwen Oatsvall and she told us of your plight on her blog. I just wanted you to know that I'll start praying for you guys and your little girl. She's so cute. I would suggest to go to El Salvador and fight it out with the judges there, since that's where she's from.
FATHER GOD, We ask that you move in a mighty way in this little girls life. Father, place a hedge of protection over her today and every day of her life. Father, knock down doors, walls, mountains that are in the way of this little girl and this family that loves her so very much. You are mighty to save, please don't close the door on this. Oh, how incredible is your love for Xiomara! How you must be heartsick for her! Father, move in a miraculous way. All glory and honor to you.
Amen
I am believing with you. You are a true mother to this child. A mom will do whatever necessary for her baby. I am praying for you.
Kroekers are with you guys. We've prayed hard for you since we read your blog last week and learned of the latest. We believe God can do this - ABSOLUTELY - and will pray for His courage, wisdom, strength & power to flood your days as you fight for this beautiful little girl you hold so closely in your hearts.
I KNOW that God is big enough to do this! Praying you through this battle.
(I'm a friend of Gwen's.)
Hey guys add my wife and I to your team. We met breifly this past June on our last visit to Guatemala and your adoption desire touched my heart. God will do his work. Gary Young, Shelbyville,IL.gjygolfer@yahoo.com
I am praying for you guys! Please keep ius update on the website. Love RHonda
Hey guys, you are in my thoughts and prayers constantly.
We have out first homestudy today too.
Thinking of you often, Melodie
Matthew 6:26 says, "Look at the birds of the air-they neither sow nor reap nor gather into barns, and yet their Heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not of more value then they?"
Chapter 10:29-31.
29 Are not two sparrows sold for a farthing? and one of them shall not fall on the ground without your Father.
30 But the very hairs of your head are all numbered.
31 Fear ye not therefore, ye are of more value than many sparrows.
His Eye is on the Sparrow
Why should I feel discouraged, why should the shadows come,
Why should my heart be lonely, and long for heaven and home,
When Jesus is my portion? My constant friend is He:
His eye is on the sparrow, and I know He watches me;
His eye is on the sparrow, and I know He watches me.
I sing because I’m happy,
I sing because I’m free,
For His eye is on the sparrow,
And I know He watches me.
“Let not your heart be troubled,” His tender word I hear,
And resting on His goodness, I lose my doubts and fears;
Though by the path He leadeth, but one step I may see;
His eye is on the sparrow, and I know He watches me;
His eye is on the sparrow, and I know He watches me.
I sing because I’m happy,
I sing because I’m free,
For His eye is on the sparrow,
And I know He watches me.
Whenever I am tempted, whenever clouds arise,
When songs give place to sighing, when hope within me dies,
I draw the closer to Him, from care He sets me free;
His eye is on the sparrow, and I know He watches me;
His eye is on the sparrow, and I know He watches me.
My encouragement to you today is to continue to set your heart and focus unto Jesus. When darkness comes and hope seems far away, He is our Hope. He is the only one who can take all of your fears and anxieties and give you comfort to know that He is taking care of Xiomara. He is her true Father, and she is His child. He cares for her, and He loves her more wholly than we can know. She is much more than a sparrow to Him! I know He can do ANYTHING- there is nothing He cannot do for His children. He has put a love for her in your hearts for a purpose, and your prayers are not in vain. Let the words of the song be imprinted on your heart today, "Let not your heart be troubled." Rest in knowing that He is good to His children, and He is her Redeemer, just as He has redeemed us.
Chris,
Dad and I are standing with you in faith for baby Xiomara! Our church family is also
backing you in prayer.
Baby Xio could not possibly be more
blessed than to have YOU as her Dad
and Lindsey as her Mom! We expect God to give you the wisdom and favor that you need. He will!
Please know that Corby and I are praying diligently for this situation. We are praying that the Lord will move away every obstacle that's in the way (no matter how impossible that seems at this point!). We are willing to do anything for baby Xio to be a part of our family! Trust me...we'll make a great aunt and uncle! We love y'all so much and are amazed daily at your faith! Y'all are such an encouragement to us!
Trusting Him,
Lauren
We are on our knees for you. We know Amanda Tomlin and are in the midst of adopting a little boy from Guatemala. We are trusting God for you. We are believing that HE can move this mountain. He is Holy and Merciful and Mighty to Save. Adoption forms a bond between people that cannot be broken. The parallel to our heavenly adoption is so similar. So know not only do you have a brother and sister in Christ in Alabama praying for you, you have fellow adoptive parents. We will never claim to understand your pain, but we do know what it's like to want to head to Guatemala and take over the country so that you can give life to those children. Our bags are packed...you let us know when you are ready to go.
Claiming Truth for you,
Mark and Staci Sellers
Your faith team is huge and the Lord is in the miracle business... Let us know what we can do besides pray and sign the petition you sent... Always know that we serve a Lord that works late into the midnight hour and He can turn it around before even a breathe has been taken...
Xio, there are prayers of love floating to you in the wind... We all love you and pray for your protection and swift travel into the arms of your mother and father...
I believe...
As I continue to pray for you and Lindsey and precious Xio, these verses have seemed so appropriate:
"Lord, remember my suffering and my misery, my sorrow and trouble. Please remember me and think about me. But I have hope when I think of this: The Lord's love never ends; his mercies never stop. They are new every morning; Lord, your loyalty is great. I say to myself, 'The Lord is mine, so I hope in him.' The Lord is good to those who hope in him, to those who seek him. It is good to wait quietly for the Lord to save." (Lam. 3:19-26)
Thank you for your passion....for God, for Lindsey and now for this little girl God has brought into your life. I am on your team...lifting you to the God who is mighty to save! He is in this battle.
Love, Kay (aka "Mom")
Chris and Lindsey - Dear warriors, prepared for battle, we assemble with you. You are never alone. May God give you a glimpse of His presence and mighty power. We care for you and pray for Xiomara's LIFE.
Lord,
We believe.
Help us with our unbelief.
We're crying out to you. We ask for peace, for guidance, for rest. Please save this little girl. Please bring her to this family.
Amen.
Our prayers are most certainly with you and your daughter!!!!!!!!
Lindsey and Chris,
In Acts 12, Herod placed Peter in prison with the intentions of killing him after the Passover. He was being guarded by 4 squads of soldiers, bound in chains between 2 soldiers in a prison cell. His situation appeared hopeless.
But God rescued him from this situation. We read in verse 12 that "many" were gathered at Mary's house praying.
This same God is our God. He is a God of power and uses the prayes of the saints to break the strongholds of the Herods of today.
Cindy and I are part of your battalion.
This whole mess within Guatemalan adoptions is tragic and heartbreaking. I have been following several journeys of families who are desperately trying to get their kids home. You are in my thoughts.
That little girl is absolutely precious. What an angel. :)
Hang in there!
Jamie
We are overjoyed to share this season of life with you! We are grieving with you, praying with you and believing with you. We are looking forward to the day we can rejoice with you!
You are strong in Him, He will cause mountains to move on your behalf based on your hearts desires, desires He placed in your hearts.
In His love,
the Colson's
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