I miss you so much!

Sweet Girl,
I didn't realize I could miss you this much! This morning was one of the hardest things...to walk away from you and leave you in the car while we went into the airport. I left part of my heart in that car....it is you. I miss you precious one. I miss your smell....Chris and I selfishly brought some of your blankets home, so that we could maybe smell you. I miss kissing you all over. I miss talking to you (I still have never heard a three month old talk as much as you...guess you got that from your daddy)! I miss your smile.....especially the one that you do every time you fall asleep. I am going to miss not bolting out of bed every time I hear you cough just so that I can rock you back to sleep. I miss your little sweet hands. You make not getting any sleep that best thing ever!! You are my little Mayan diva. I love your laugh. I love the way you already trust us. I am praying for you constantly. We will be back to see you soon baby girl....I can't wait!!

Love,
Your Mommy

A Sneak Peek...

There is so much to say and so many stories to tell.....but we have one hour until we board the plane back to Nashville. As you might have all guessed....NO INTERNET where we were staying!! It was painful to not be able to share some of the 700 pictures and and hour and a half of video that we captured of "Sweet Girl"!!! Here are a few pics of the cutest Mayan Diva in the world (will share more on that later)!

We will post more blogs tomorrow with stories and more pictures!! Keep praying!!

We love you all....thank you for the comments!

Love,
Lindsey and Chris

P.S. A shout out of congrats to Jeff, Amanda and Bella!!! They recognized us on the airplane back to the states....from reading the blog!! THEY FINALLY GET TO BRING SWEET BELLA HOME!!! Praise the Lord!

Surprise....we are in Guatemala!

Okay, Chris and I have been trying to post a blog from an internet cafe for about two hours...we are obviously not very savvy. We have some great pics....and some great stories! We will try again tomorrow.

Be praying....we love you all! SWEET GIRL....HERE WE COME!!! We are signing the Power of Attorney tomorrow...and then we get to spend three incredible days with her.

Love,
Lindsey and Chris

Balloons Babies & Finances

Well there's much to say to say the least!

We're still pursuing Xiomara, but lately the pursuit is in prayer and in waiting patiently. It will probably be some time before we know more about the possibility of adopting Xio. In the mean time we've been filling out paper work feverishly, trying to get as far along in the adoption process as possible before the country closes so that our case could be "grandfathered" in.

As we've been waiting and praying and filing, God has brought along another unexpected joy into our lives! We came upon another little girl in need of a home! She was abandoned and then taken in by an adoption agency. As we prayed, we mysteriously felt God calling us to pursue this baby girl as well. When we inquired about her we were told that another family was adopting her. Three days later the agency called us back to report that the family had backed out, and to ask if we were still interested. The answer is Yes! Around our house we refer to this new little girl as "sweet girl."

So here we are...now pursuing the adoption of two beautiful Guatemalan girls!

If God gives us both girls- praise God! If He gives us one girl, praise God! The hardest to write, but none the less true, if He gives us no girls, praise God. We literally feel what Job states in 1.21 and what we sing so often in church

You give and take away
You give and take away
My heart will choose to say
Lord blessed be your name

Ready for more news?
We found out today that we need $12,750 by the end of this week in order for our adoption process to continue!

That sounds like a lot, but we believe that God has called us to this therefore He's going to fund it. All along money has honestly been the last thing on our minds. It seems like a no-brainer...He's going to provide for it. I don't mind telling people about the need either, because really it's a privilege! The people that give are getting to be a part of an answer to much prayer! If you're a part of the financial answer to prayer see the info on the right side of our blog for who to write checks to!

One of our mentors and dear friends encouraged Lindsey and I to do an exercise that at first seemed really silly. Per her instruction, we went to Party City and bought 5 helium balloons. We then wrote on them all of our fears and desperate prayers. Lindsey and I had a little ceremony in the Party City parking lot as we prayed through these things we'd written and then together let go of the balloons. Through tears we stood there holding each other and watched as the balloons drifted away into the evening sky and pictured God receiving our requests and concerns. We walked away feeling more peace as we once again presented all our hopes and fears before God and chose yet once again to Trust Him with all this!

-Chris

Still trusting...

Here we are.....smiling happily when things weren't so hectic and crazy!! Even though I love this picture of me and my cute hubby.....I can't wait until a little cute chica is in the picture with us!! What a day of celebration that will be. I'm sure that many of you are wondering if we have heard anything or wondered why we haven't updated you on sweet Xio in a while. This is what we know. The Lord is calling us into deep, hard places of faith right now. He is also drawing us into a bigger picture....one we didn't even know how to dream. The bottom line is....God has called us to adopt. We still long, hope and pray that God allow us to adopt, Xio, but we are not holding on to that hope with a closed fist. We pray, plead and beg...but we don't demand. If God has another little one for us in addition to Xio or instead of Xio...we trust Him. Blessed be the name of the Lord. He is up to something big in all this, we're hanging on tight to Him and looking forward to what this might all mean!

Your comments have been some of God's most precious gifts to us in this season.
Love,
Lindsey (and Chris too- He's sitting right here!)

A Glimpse of Things to Come....EllieDub!!

I finally get to post something fun!! A few of you know that we are doing this....but probably most of you don't. Chris, Amelia and Scott Moore and I are beginning a new company to raise orphan awareness and help families financially with the costs of adoptions. Our site is called EllieDub!

Our vision is to create ec0-friendly shirts that are super cool....this particular design will be on a vintage style t-shirt. We want to take elements from each adoptive country and incorporate those themes into the t-shirts....plus each shirt will have a quote written in the specific language!

Our web-site will be up and running (cross your fingers) by November the 18th. Chris and I are going to be the guinea pigs for our own project....and we are beyond excited! We will keep you posted!! This is one of our AWESOME Guatemalan guy t-shirts.

Love you all, Lindsey

"I CHOOSE YOU" CAMPAIGN!!

Chris and I have had an incredibly restful weekend...full of peace. Thank you for praying for us....we feel it in EVERY way! We ALSO feel that we are to press forward.....to keep fighting.....to keep our eyes and ears open to God's possibilities. Our last home study was so good. We have the best home study lady ever (We love you Lisa!)......we got to look through her album of all the sweet kids that have been adopted through her ministry of Adoption Assistance!! I could have cried my eyes out (Chris kind of did). I can't shake their faces....their joy. Chris and I walked out of her house with a new heart.....we are ready to be parents. We are ready to love a child (or two)! We are ready to start this phase of life.

So, we are moving forward.....the battle continues. This is the easiest part of the fight to me because the Lord knows how much all of the costs will be. But, we need ya'll to partner with us to bring our child or children home to us!!

An account has been set-up at our church called the "I Choose You" fund. It is 100% tax-deductible!! You can send a check (write it to Fellowship Bible Church and write in the memo line...."I Choose You"- Wheeler) to:

Fellowship Bible Church
"I Choose You"-Wheeler fund
1210 Franklin Road
Brentwood, TN 37027

Thank you in advance for partnering with us!! We can't wait to see God work through this!!!

We love you all, Lindsey

His Mercies Are Truly New Daily

I can confidently say I've never been here before. I've never had a week of emotion quite like this last one. I would never dare say that I have a "corner on Faith" or that I "get" Faith, but I am learning that it is a daily deal, more than I ever dreamed it was. Faith is clearly not a one time decision that then governs all decisions after...it's much more of a moment by moment -eeking forward- kind of thing. NONE of this is on our strength- that much is clear as well. It is incredible that God loves us in the first place...then more incredible that He is deeply involved and interested in the intimate details of our hearts...then even more remarkable that He daily gives us just the amount of Mercy we need for that day. As I'm writing this, I'm suddenly reminded of something Jesus said in Matthew 6...

26 Look at the birds of the air: they neither sow nor reap nor gather into barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not of more value than they? 27 And which of you by being anxious can add a single hour to his span of life? 28 And why are you anxious about clothing? Consider the lilies of the field, how they grow: they neither toil nor spin, 29 yet I tell you, even Solomon in all his glory was not arrayed like one of these. 30 But if God so clothes the grass of the field, which today is alive and tomorrow is thrown into the oven, will he not much more clothe you, O you of little faith? 31 Therefore do not be anxious, saying, ‘What shall we eat?’ or ‘What shall we drink?’ or ‘What shall we wear?’ 32 For the Gentiles seek after all these things, and your heavenly Father knows that you need them all. 33 But seek first the kingdom of God and his righteousness, and all these things will be added to you.

34 “Therefore do not be anxious about tomorrow, for tomorrow will be anxious for itself. Sufficient for the day is its own trouble.

The "What Ifs" can literally drive you mad. Anxious thoughts are also quite contagious and seem to spread quickly. The LORD knows what we need for each day and I've personally seen Him provide for every day this last week. The perfect word of encouragement from some of the most random people, or the funniest moment occurring right when all seems hopeless. The Lord is good like that.

I still feel fragile emotionally. I feel tender inside...like it wouldn't take much to hurt me right now. At the same time I feel quite strong- like I've just slayed several dragons and I'm ready for more! It's a all a paradox of feelings really. Very sad yet happy, scared yet hopeful, battle worn yet battle ready. Not to seem overly spiritual but it again reminds me of scripture...one of our favorites:

Proverbs 14.13 "Even in laughter the heart may ache, and the end of joy may be grief."
These things just go hand in hand.

Thanks for all the prayers- we feel them and the King of Kings hears them! (So keep it up!)
Thanks for standing with and behind us.
Love you guys,
Chris

Trusting

You have kept count of my tossings;
put my tears in your bottle.
Are they not in your book?
Then my enemies will turn back
in the day when I call.
This I know, that God is for me.
In God, whose word I praise,
in the Lord, whose word I praise,
in God I trust; I shall not be afraid.
What can man do to me?

Psalm 56:8-11

Every day has been so different....actually, every hour we have different emotions. But, what an encouragement this verse is to me this morning. He is for me!! He is for Chris!! He is for Xiomara!! There are people that I love that have different opinions and think we are crazy for loving Xio like this. I am learning to be okay whether people agree with us or not. It is a funny place to be in. We don't know the outcome.....but we KNOW that our Savior is calling us forward. We are putting Xio at the feet of Jesus.....and today I am begging the Lord to help me overcome my fear. He knows what is best for her.....and that is what we want. Today I am praising Jesus that He is growing us through this pain and suffering. I love the verse, "what can man do to me?"......I do not want to give into depression, bitterness or anger.....I want to praise Jesus today! Thank you Lord for loving me.....for sending your Son to save us. I need You!

-Lindsey

confusion....

That is where we are today.....so confused. Please pray for strength....especially for Chris.

Defending Xiomara...the battle for her life

I have no idea how to write this. I've put it off as long as I can...

My heart aches in ways I've never known pain before. I feel very scared...afraid that God might say no. I'm literally desperate for Him to say Yes...to our thousands of prayers. I'm not sure if I've ever shouted prayers before. Sometimes my prayers are indistinguishable between my sobs. I'm continually shifting from anger to deep sorrow back to anger. It's like my insides are bleeding.

I feel militant. I will do whatever Faith requires...honestly whatever it takes to rescue Xiomara. I would quit my job, sell this house and move to Guatemala in a heartbeat if it would help us bring her home. I'm not kidding or exaggerating. We are in the battle for Xiomara's very life. I will never stop fighting for her...I can't. Nothing else in my life seems to matter anymore. Everything seems to either be aiding us in this battle, or simply a distraction in our way. My language may sound a bit dramatic but that's fine. Christianity is not about insulating ourselves from pain. I'm not into playing it safe, and there's certainly no room for that in this situation anymore.

I pray that God would change the judges heart, change the birth mother's heart, send an incredibly skilled and persuasive Guatemalan lawyer, that He would have mercy...that in the same instance He would bring justice. Mercy on Xiomara and Justice for Xiomara. Mostly, I just say please please let us adopt her.

Jason Swain, my dear brother, told me to "...surround myself with a team of people that believe that God is big enough to do this." That is exactly what we need- believers who actually believe. If your believing with us, thank you for being on our team. Faith feels lonely sometimes. We need you and every member of the Body that you know to be on your face pleading that God defend the fatherless...that he defend Xiomara.

-Chris
P.S. Our Home Study visit is tomorrow morning...we're moving forward by Faith.

Our Hearts are Broken....(we love you baby girl)

How do I even begin to express the sorrow Chris and I are feeling right now. We woke up thinking this was any normal Friday....but it has turned out to be the most painful day we have experienced to date. We received an e-mail from Steve in Guatemala telling us that precious Xio's court date was yesterday.....we had no idea! And, needless to say, it did not go well at all. Our precious girl is actually not even from Guatemala.....she is from El Salvador. Her mother came to Guatemala from El Salvador to sell her illegally. She was offered a sum of money....and ended up getting less than she wanted. At court yesterday, the birth mother, foster mother, Xiomara, lawyer and Shyrel were there. There was obviously a lot of lying going on.....and the end result is not good at all. The judge did not trust any of the ladies, but for some reason is giving Xio back. We are trying to reach Steve. But, it seems as if she is headed back to El Salvador with a woman that does not even want her. Steve stated in the e-mail that she would be going back to a bad situation. Money is a shady thing.....and more than likely, she will be selling her again soon. We have more questions.....and will not give up.

I have wept and wept. Chris fluctuates between anger and deep sadness. Our hearts have been broken into a thousand pieces. We are grieving....we are hurting....we are desperately crying out to Jesus. All I could keep saying all morning through my tears is "JESUS PLEASE". I repeated it a thousand times. I know He alone is the Redeemer! I know that he loves Xio so much. I am begging Him to hold her.....to rescue her....to bring justice.....to allow a miracle to happen. I know this doesn't make sense to some.....but to us, she is our little girl. It is an incomprehensible pain.

Chris and I will fight for her! It is not a coincidence that our blog says "The Lord, Mighty in Battle"!! The Lord is fighting for her and for the fatherless! We have no idea what our next step is going to be. But, we both feel the Lord urging us to move forward. Chris said we might pack up and fly to El Salvador......or go be with her one last time in Guatemala. Please pray for wisdom and discernment for both of us.

Our wise doctor and elder told us today, "Adoption is very hard! It's the center of God's heart, but it will rip yours out!" We are broken. We are desperately trusting our Father in heaven to take care of our sweet baby. Please join us in praying....get everyone you know to pray.

We love you all,
Lindsey (and Chris)

She's a T.V. star!

Well, today started out as one of those terrible, horrible, no good, very bad days (a book my mom read to me when I was little). Chris and I have each experienced major spiritual attacks from the enemy, especially in the last two weeks. We have felt so exhausted emotionally and mentally. But, the Lord continues to give us little glimmers of hope. He is still good and always trustworthy. It is amazing what you learn about the Lord in times of waiting. It is never easy but always worth it.

So, I walk in tonight at 10 pm for the first time all day.....and finally sit down! I turn on the t.v. because our friends at Amor del Nino were interviewed by Anderson Cooper of CNN concerning the adoption crisis in Guatemala. I missed most of the interview, but happened to catch the last 15 minutes. WHO DO I SEE ON THE T.V???!!!! XIOMARA!!!!!!!! I literally screamed at the top of my lungs (and I was totally by myself).....then, I started crying and immediately called my mom.....and she saw it and was doing the same thing. She is beautiful. Just getting to see her precious face for 1 second made everything about my bad day just disappear. She was sitting in the little pink Boppy with her little pigtails, drinking her bottle.....and her eyes were as big and gorgeous as ever! Oh, I miss her.

Thank you Lord,
Lindsey

Here is part of the CNN story (look closely for the cutest baby in the world):
http://www.cnn.com/2007/WORLD/americas/10/03/guatemala.adoption/index.html#cnnSTCVideo

Happy Birthday Leah!

Leah, It is hard to believe that you are 20 years old today!! How do I express in words what I feel about you. I have told you a thousand times, but I am going to repeat it again. You are one of the strongest people I have ever met. You have gone through things that no one your age should ever have to experience....but you have walked through it with grace and wisdom. I am so proud of you sister!! Lauren and I are amazed at what God is doing in your heart and life. You are so alive!! You are a people-magnet....all of the girls in Fayetteville are so blessed to have you as their friend! You are beautiful in every way (just look at your smile)!! You are compassionate and care deeply for others....I can't wait for you to go to Guatemala with us. Thank you for your encouragement! I could not do this without you. I love you sister!

Love,
Lindsey